Wednesday, September 28, 2011
If he wanted to see me he woulda came in to town. I know the drives far but I can't help think that he figured if he can get ass there then there really is no point in driving 300+ miles just to see me. I know he says that I'm more than ass but I'm not stupid. I know my place and its all good. Just don't lie or try to play me cause that's not cool. We are having fun and that's all. I tell him everything, when I go out, with who whatever. Why can't he do the same? I don't care if he talks to other people or hook up but when he lies and makes me feel bad for the things I do its annoying. This weekend though he didn't even really talk to me. Seems like I was the one calling and texting on Friday so I didn't even bother Saturday. I'm sure only reason he text Saturday was to see what I was going to do since he knew I wasnt about to stay in. I don't think I should have called lastnight though ... But I caved like always. I wanted to talk to him ... and as soon as he got on the phone I was over it?? I don't know whats wrong with me. I did feel a little bad hanging up on him like I did. I know if shit were switched, regardless anything I would be upset to have someone call me then with the quickness hang up even if we were having a good conversation. A scenario like that would put me in my place in the harshest way. Ehh what can you do. When you're the "other" one you don't really have a say so in anything. It is what it is. As much as I care about him and as much fun as we have together at the end of the day I have my boyfriend and he is first. It's just the way the game goes.
Monday, September 26, 2011
I think its gotten to the point where I don't care what the side effects are ... If they'll work I am down to try it. I know I would lose more if I just commited but idk ... It's so hard. I try to keep myself busy with all the other drama in my life but when everything is calm ... I eat! Ugh. Fml