Thursday, September 20, 2012

Once a cheater .... always a cheater

It was like someone punched me in the gut and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. Everything was a blur, my stomach was in knots and I had this ache in my heart that was unbearable. My world was turned upside down. I didn't know what or who to believe. I could never trust anyone ever again! Its been a couple of years but there are times when it seems like just yesterday and it hurts just as bad ... and that's why I do the things I do. I lie so I can do what I want, go where I want and be with who I wanna be with. I make excuses to get away, phone is always on silent and no contact is who it actually says it is. What I don't know is why I stick around. Is it because 7 years is a long time to just walk away?? Maybe I'm used to everything?? Do I feel like I can't afford to be alone?? Or maybe ... just maybe, it's love? I know love isn't lying, cheating and sneaking around but what else would you call it!?!?!?! eff it! ... it is what it is